Review by Hugh Robertson ©2013
Directed by Steve Goldenberg and Dorian Knight
Starring Paul Bacca, Neil Blakemore, Amy J. Boyd, Peter Dang, Chris De Christopher, Kimberly Douglas, Steve Goldenberg, Adam Gould, Quinn Gould , Jason S. Gray, Ian Hinck, Emery Hosley, Kay Hughes, Jon Lebedoff, Charlotte C. Leighton, Carrie Long, Kay Long, Martin Marin, Miguel Martinez, Sylvia Milu, Lew Ojeda, Katie Ramonovich, Andy Ramsey, Margie Ratliff, Tierza Scaccia, Amalia Shifriss, Marty Smith, Jason Taranowski, Jake Theby, Karla Yeh
Distributed by Chemical Burn Entertainment
With a name like “Piranha-Man vs. Werewolf-Man” you know this is going to be a bad movie. The only question is will this be a goofy, fun movie like some of the Japanese monster films, a campy thriller like some of the Sci-Fi Channel films, or will it take itself seriously and be a bad, tedious bore? Unfortunately this film falls into the latter category.
“Piranha-Man vs. Werewolf-Man”, written and directed by Stephen Goldenberg and Dorian Knight, begins with news reporter Lexi Glass (Carrie Long) investigating the “Baby Doll Killers”, a series of murders occurring in her city with blonde women as victims.
While Lexi has strange dreams of meeting her perfect mate, she also occasionally has visions of the murders as they occur. Suddenly during the investigation her boss pulls her from the story and tells her to cover some city government issues. It turns out that fellow reporter, “Dirty Diane”, has used her “influence” on their boss so that she can get the story and the good TV ratings they have.
Lexi and her cameraman, Denny, decide that they will continue to investigate the story on their own despite their boss. On her way back home from the TV studio she is “stalked” from a camera POV by the Werewolf-Man. She makes it safely into her building, but immediately afterwards an African American woman is killed outside by the monster (so much for the blonde women theory). Inside her apartment Lexi continues to work on her computer, investigating the story, as her female roommate tries to persuade her to go out and take a break, but she refuses and falls asleep with more visions.
After another blonde woman is killed, “Dirty Diane” tries to bait the killer by wearing a blonde wig. She succeeds, but unfortunately is killed by the Werewolf-Man. Lexi has a vision of her death and rushes out to the scene with Denny. While trying to do a story on the murder, the Werewolf-Man returns and kills Denny while she faints. While in her dreams from fainting she meets her “Dream Warden” (a man in a Mexican Wrestling mask) and he explains how her father crashed his plane during a drug run and became the Piranha-Man, as well as, explaining somewhat the origin of the Werewolf-Man. This explanation sets up her quest to find her father and the final monster showdown.
Up to this point the movie had been a sub-mediocre independent horror film, but when the “Dream Warden” comes in halfway through the movie, things go totally abysmal. While the sound, lighting, and camerawork are competent, the makeup and special effects are pitiful. The Werewolf-Man is an actor in a rubber Werewolf Halloween mask and the Piranha-Man isn’t much better.
The gore consists of some minor blood splashed around and some quick editing cuts to some red oil projections. The final fight is staged like a bad WWF match. The airplane that her father is flying when he crashes has obvious wires and shakes instead of flying.
While Denny and Lexi’s roommate are thrown in for comic relief, most of their jokes fall flat. The only exception being a scene near the beginning of the movie when Denny, who has a secret crush on Lexi, is telling his female roommate how disappointed he is that Lexi is oblivious to him and his attentions. His roommate, who has a secret crush on him, tries to seduce him by stripping in front of him. He doesn’t notice and is totally oblivious to her with his musings about Lexi.
The acting in this movie is uniformly mediocre or even worse with some of the amateurs thrown in. The writing and plot are awful and not much is explained (such as why the Werewolf-Man is killing blonde women or even how the Werewolf-Man originated). Unfortunately a lot of this is due to the fact that some of the movie was shot two years earlier and then the writer/directors added the other scenes with Lexi and the other characters later to make the film longer. The “twist surprises” aren’t that surprising and the ending is totally clichéd.
On the “Smash or Trash” scale I rate this movie a 1.5 out of 10. Don’t even bother with it as a rental or a streaming.
If interested, buy it HERE.